And the ER visit pays off

It's been a long arduous journey, the past few years. Most of the friends I have remember me as an active, outgoing, adventurous person. It was not unlike me to run 10 miles, hula hoop for two hours and then go out dancing, watching the sun come up over a sun kissed mountain top...or peeking up the desert horizon. I miss those days. I remember dancing as the sun came up at LIB 2009, "tearing the floor up" as someone near me put it.

A lot of you knew something wasn't quite right. Maybe I talked about it, maybe I didn't. Maybe you didn't notice the excruciating pain that sent me to hide in my tent at events. I tried to hide it, although sometimes I couldn't ignore it. There were times where I talked about nothing but this, and times I withdrew completely.

People asked me..."so, whatever happened to that pain issue?"

Maybe some of you have noticed that I haven't been present at parties or events. Maybe some of you came into the community after I started withdrawing. I don't know. I do know I feel very happy to have met all of you. Even the ones who are only Avatars on Facebook in my life.

Well, I can tell you everything that happened....but I won't. I will say that everything happens for a reason. My back is in this brace and I am in this level of pain, right at this moment and all the moments that have already passed, for a reason.

I am creating a life with a healthy back, one where I am again able to appreciate the body I have, rather than come to resent it. (Although that resentment has led to me learning to leave my body and it's senses behind in thought) I will feel well, and you will come to know me again. As I have transformed, I am not the same person some of you met a few years ago. I am not the same person I was three days ago, when I started Spinal Decompression Therapy and quit smoking. (The power of meditation is amazing, the smell of cigarettes nauseated me after a specific session)

Come talk to me, when I am out. Come see me in my home. If you want to get to know me, here I am. Not as the artistic model, not as the hooper booking gigs, not as the costume designer, not as who you thought I was for a second. Maybe I DO all those things well, but my way of being is quite amazing.

The hoop collective conscience

Lately I've been feeling kind of down, due to the ups and downs of this season in California. Am I spoiled or what? Haha!

Hooping, or hoop dance has been an integral part of my life for the past 4 years. I fell in love with it, and am always trying new things. Sometimes hooping with other hoopers and learning new things, but mostly on my own.

At one point I was watching YouTube videos every day, learning, amongst being a pretty decent hooper, I am also a great mimic. I learned new things very quickly, and sequencing them together in my own style. Sometimes I drill, other times I just put on music and let whatever creativity flows out of me, extend to the hoop.

I've been practicing a new way of hooping lately, because I find that waist hooping, or even on the body hooping has been pretty hard on my spine and back. mostly because I only hooped in one direction for almost two years, until someone enlightened me to become proficient in all directions of a move before moving on. I don't have a name for what I have been flowing like lately, or at least I didn't, until I ran across Caroleeena's channel on Youtube and found this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PxbtkqhVQH8

She calls it "Off body Punctuation Beats", or something like that. I like it.

It always amazes me, that when I am in my hoop practice, I am generally in my zone, trying new things with the hoop, knowing the physics of the hoop and playfully applying them. I don't even think about what other hoopers might be doing, although I do watch other hoopers for style and trick inspiration.

I used to be at every hoop jam. I used to go to every party and hoop all night. Because of health reasons, I play at home or close to home for the most part now. So, I'm feeling really blessed to be part of this collective conscience that channels through me, and pulls off some swift moves.

When I know I'm being taped, I'm usually pretty shy, or hold back...same thing on stage. It's those moments when I'm in pure, utter hoop bliss, dancing like nobody is watching, that I am the most open and the most receptive. That's when the magic happens.

I've seen a couple videos made unaware to me, and I'm always surprised at how I look. I don't make too many videos, or have my own camera person following me around at events....and when I do see those random videos of me, I think...hmmmm...maybe I should. Those unaware moments, free of fear of being watched or anything, those are the most inspirational ones to me...because, WOW. That's me. And...I'm Good! I had no idea.

QiQong Distance Healing

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Qigong-Distant-Energy-Healing/231712818977

I've been taking part in these QiQong distance healing sessions. Reading through the information, it seemed like it would scientifically be possible. There's also the power of suggestion. If I believe they work, they will...right?

The first one I didn't really sit quietly through, it says you don't have to, and I didn't really feel anything, but I did have crazy dreams leading up to the session, as the message also says might happen. I have pretty crazy, vivid dreams quite a bit though, always have.

The last session was on Thursday of this past week. This time I made myself comfortable, put on a YouTube relaxation meditation video right before the session was to start and laid there, with the intent to fully receive the benefits.

About half an hour in I was in a lucid dream state and had the feeling that I was not inside my body, but somewhere out in the courtyard of my building...lecturing my building manager about the waste of water it took to hose down the courtyard over sweeping it.

I came back to my body and was still in a lucid state, trying to get up, but my bodies reticular activation system had set in, keeping me from moving.

My brain started to feel like the synapses from the left and ride side were bouncing back and forth. I felt like I was hearing an internal vibration, the sound of the Om, connecting the two sides. I started breathing quicker and more shallow. I started to feel my RAS release and I went into Dragon's breath, which increased the vibration and sounds into one solid hum.

After about five minutes in, I returned to regular breathe and felt my body in total relaxation. I was cooked.

I had to get up. I couldn't lay there the entire two hours, it was so intense, my body told me it was time to get up and move. So, I did, slowly and intentionally.

The next day I was out in the courtyard, sweeping the dust, cigarette butts and trash, scooping it up with my dust pan into the garbage.

The closest experience I've had to this was the sound bath I took at the Integratron in Joshua Tree.

http://www.integratron.com/

I encourage you to try this, there is another session tonight or tomorrow night, I believe. Visit the website for more details.

Let me know what you experience.

Walking and Talking

I have a very strong opinion about pedestrians or bicyclists on cell phones. It's about as strong as my opinion on people on cell phones in cars.

It's just not safe, people. It takes away from your ability to pay attention to your surroundings, and sometimes the ability to make intelligent choices.

For example, I don't know how many times I've seen people walking and talking, totally cross the street without looking both ways. Sometimes they almost get hit. I was a pedestrian for two years in LA, and I almost got hit. It's why I don't walk around the city on my cell.

It also takes away your ability to hear out of one ear. Combine that with loud sirens or traffic noise blasting into the other and you won't even hear that person call "Hey watch out!".

I've seen people on cell phones while driving, that seems to not get through people's heads, but bicycling around the city? Really? I mean, maybe I'm just a rookie cyclist, but it requires both hands and my attention. I don't think I could ever text and cycle at the same time.

We all have this intent to stay safe. What steps are we taking towards actually being safe? What is so important that one must be on the phone ALL the time.

Don't even get me started on cell phone brain cancer...lol

The vicious cycle of pain

This morning when I woke up, the sun hadn't come up yet. Another night of sleep interrupted by the deep pain that wracks my body at it's highest peak during the ionic breeze that occurs between 4am and 6am.

I planned on going to yoga class today. That's not going to happen. I'll do my home practice.

I'm suppose to be getting ready for an interview today at the W Hotel, and I realized I don't own a single pair of "nice" shoes. I threw them all out when I started falling so much.

I'm nursing a couple of bruises, obtained when I fell into the coffee table the other night.

I felt great the past week, so I did a lot of catching up with housework, had a hoop gig, had some fun with my boyfriend and friends. It doesn't seem like a lot, but enough to start up the pain cycle.

I read somewhere that 80% of the population lives with some form of chronic pain. I don't know how much of that is a level 10, coupled with leg spasms that render them temporarily disabled. I don't know how many of them work full time jobs.

All I know is that getting a job with health care benefits has been a challenge for me. I've been made some false promises, Companies are keeping hours just under the limit of where you have to give an employee the option, or just plain out: I feel so terrible some days I can't walk, much less get into a car and endanger my life and the lives of others to get to work.

The last job I had, it came down to: During the winter my pain gets worse, and getting people to cover my shifts proved almost impossible, even when I had a days or more notice. I planned a vacation so I could nurse myself and it was denied. I called in sick after going to the Dr's a couple times. Now, I have Dr. bills and no job.

How does 80% of the population live with varying degrees of pain, and how do we as a society remain compassionate to that, while keeping our business running? Seems like a mighty vicious cycle, right?

All over L.A. there are signs that say "STAY HOME IF YOU ARE SICK". The city is plastering all this propaganda about staying home, yet somewhere in the loop they forgot to tell employers. This fake sense of "We Care", is it a scare tactic? Or a way of getting people to stay home so lay-offs can take place without having to extend unemployment?

I was lucky. I got unemployment.

What is going on here? I never had a full understanding of the economic system, but I'm pretty sure this depression we are in, well...it's pretty depressing.

Hollywood, for all it's worth...

Yesterday's California sky was blue and filled with a combination of fluffy white clouds, and a few dark ones here and there. Chris and I got up and started on the packing for our trip pretty early. Around 10am I texted my friend and neighbor Mike and asked him was his day's itinerary was. On it? The Farmer's Market.....Yeah!

Quickly Chris and I got showered and dressed and walked the few blocks down the hill to the Sunday Farmer's Market on Hollywood and Ivar to meet up with Mike. We finally found him, and wandered through the crowd, looking at the flowers, berries and vegetables. I selected a huge bunch of Birds of Paradise, a carton of strawberries, fresh squeezed pomegranate orange juice, some mustard greens and two of the best flans I've ever tasted:
http://www.flan-king.com/

We gathered with a crowd, our arms full, to watch an old fashioned polka band playing, tuba, accordion and all.

On the way out, we picked up some fresh kettle corn and some fresh rain fell on our heads. It was awesome.

After just five minutes of drizzling, the warm sun came bursting out, and we zig zagged our way back home, stopping at our favorite local coffee shop on the way: http://www.sdchollywood.com/

Armed with a nice hot Vanilla soy latte, we walked up Ivar hill, back into the Hollywood Dell. We admired the vegetable gardens of the Vedanta society and took a walk on their grounds.

We got back to our apartment, unloaded, went to visit my dear friend and neighbor Tony, and then made our plans for outing number two of the day.

I've recently been ordering sushi from a place I've never been to, but their take out Menu advertised $1.95 sake and $2.95 sushi. Kazoku: http://www.kazokusushi.com/
The place had a "Cheers" meets sushi bar kind of feel to it. Soon we were laughing with the sushi chef, other customers, while the amazingly pleasant waitress brought us plate after plate of delicious fish. They were showing the Oscars on the large flat screen HDTV behind the sushi bar, it is after all Hollywood, and we had fun commenting on the red carpet show. HDTV is unforgiving.

We made our way back home, where I fulfilled my creative surge by dressing Mike's mannequin, Veronica, in a new flashy outfit, accessories, head piece and all.

Chris and I shared one of the flan, watched the rest of the Oscar's with Tony, watched South Park episodes, then hung out talking and laughing until it was time to go to bed.

Days like yesterday gave me a sense of home in Hollywood. Usually I feel out of sorts, out of place. Maybe it was the weather, maybe it was a conscious choice...but yesterday we had fun in Hollywood. Us. The non-bar hoppers, the non-clubbers, the non-douchbaggery participants.
Go Hollywood! There's a reason I love you, deep down.

Lessons learned

I've learned a few things from my exes. The following is a list of a few of those things:

1) Give your partner space when they first get home after a long day at work. You can tell them all about your day after they've had a chance to settle in. Serving them a cocktail is sometimes nice.

2) Your partner is their own person. If they find wander off at a festival or museum, as long as they tell you they are wandering off, or are in eye sight, let them have their fun.

3) If your partner walks out during an argument because they need to think, chances are, they're probably trying to keep from decking you....and you need the time to think too.

4) Your partner's friends don't have to like you, or vice versa...as long as you all mutually respect each other for this amazing person you have in common.

5) If you don't like your partners friends, all of them, it's time to think about what it is he/she See's in them...as well as what you see in your partner.

6) Taking separate vacations once in a while, okay. All of the time, not okay. It should feel like your partner wants to explore themselves, rather than escape you.

7) Asking your partner for what you want works better than whining about what you don't have.

8) A relationship that has occasional lulls in sex is okay, and normal (whatever normal means), as long as you are jumping each other's bones when you do have the energy and time.

9) Withholding information that affects your relationship from your partner is not okay.

10) One must hold space for their partners transformation and growth and continue their own process as well. Each must do their own will.

11) It's NOT all about me.