FRIDAY! and grocery stores

Yeah! It's Friday. Awesome! It means for me that other people will have time to spend with me.

I went out yesterday, as I do most week days, to temple, then to yoga or do my home practice, do seva, come home and work on my personal projects...but yesterday was different.

I went out yesterday and needed to go to the grocery store. I dislike the grocery store in a way that is probably unhealthy to a level of specific agoraphobia of the grocery store. Maybe because I have this intense dislike in every cell of my being for grocery stores, I am actually creating terrible grocery store experiences. Hmmmm.....

Yesterday my AHA! moment was at the grocery store, as I was leaving. I needed to get over this. I just had another TERRIBLE grocery store experience, and I went home and shut down for four hours.

I've come to terms with my inner drama queen, so let me tell you what I believe a terrible grocery store experience entails and you be the judge whether or not I am creating this, or if this is something that is really there: Upon first walking in to the store, I saw several small cockroaches scatter into the fresh deli section. Every employee seemed annoyed that the customers were in their way, as we reached for apples or eggs around them as they stocked...after saying excuse me. A woman in the Express Lane for 15 items or less, with a basket FULL of groceries (And, I was in no hurry, so I gave her a pass on being over the limit with the items ) Ordered me to tell her what time it was, and then barked at me to use my savings card. I obliged her with the time, but refused the second, as I am under no one. She was so completely rude to me, and all I was doing was standing behind her in line at the grocery store. Then, leaving the parking lot, climbing a steep hill out of the garage, a young girl in the car behind me keeps pulling up almost into the back seat of my car and is flipping out that my stick shift car is struggling to not slip back and hit her as we all creep out one at a time for the stop sign. She then totally loses it as I try again to get my car into gear without bumping, her because I yell out the window "Stick shifts roll back on hills, you have to give me some room!"...and pulls her car around me and speeds off through the stop sign into the street, very, very unsafely. Not to mention the depressive UV lighting, the screaming children, the people on their phones pushing carts in the opposite direction of where their eyes are facing.....I can go on. But, I won't.

My friend Cat suggested I shop at the local Farmer's Market instead. I'm going to try that. That part gets me out into the sun, the general disposition of people is less hurried, and I can walk there. I live in Hollywood, I can't avoid the roaches. I don't see them in my apartment, but I think it's because my cat eats them. I've caught him once or twice. It's pretty gross....I give him a cat mint breathe after, and avoid him for a bit...but now I'm getting off topic.

So, what exactly what was the AHA! about, you may be asking yourself right now. It was that I have been in this state of internal exploration, going to temple, surrounding myself with people who's energies I enjoy and vibe with. I've been very select with the people I surround myself with, as well as very enforcing of my boundaries. Going out into the General Public in Hollywood, CA, well, it takes a lot of one's breathe to keep the happy bubble blown up. Good thing I've been practicing my pranayama.

How jaded must I have been to be in a physical place 6 days a week where people's negativity and bad attitudes just rolled off my back? Or is that being jaded?

I've been criticised, even disliked, for my ability to let things roll off me. I know that is those persons projections of their inability to do the same, so I don't take it personally. I know I have the power to choose to be happy and I use it.

Why does the grocery store plague me so? Even to the point now, where I'm hungry and we need groceries, and I'd rather sit here and be with my hunger. Grocery store, I will conquer you! I will create a new grocery store experience, clean and full of happy, joyous people and delicious healthy food options! So shall it be!