It felt like the first time a teacher saw me.

Today I went to a free HIV yoga class over the the Center for Yoga in Larchmont. It is taught by Michele Melville.

When I arrived, I was signed in and directed to the upstairs room. About a minute in, the teacher came over and asked if I had ever taken an Ashtanga class before. Aha! I thought, no wonder everyone just dove into their practice, and with such intensity. Turns out the HIV class is downstairs. The front desk peeps assumed I was there for Ashtanga. I get it, I'm young, look healthy and strong, and have practiced there before in the level 2 and 2/3 classes.

After finding the right room, I realized I was in the right place. Really, for the first time, in the "right" class. Michele came over and introduced herself to me, and asked me what my challenges were: Peripheral neuropathy, low blood pressure, sciatica, carpel tunnel syndrome, depression, anxiety and low back pain. I've ticked them off to EVERY teacher I've studied with.

During the course of the class, Michele came over and offered me variations on poses to support my back, suggested dolphin, instead of downward dog, to protect my wrists. With each pose, she addressed each student and it felt like she really saw each and every one of us as unique vessels, and helped us to create a unique practice for our bodies.

When we did the final chant, my voice vibrated with the voices of the other people in the room, with love and gratitude...for ourselves: for getting there, for our teacher: for her time and knowledge, and for the divine: for gifting us with these amazing journeys called life.

In all the classes I've taken, each teacher asks if anyone is injured or has challenges, and then they lead us through a practice as if no one ever said a word about it. Maybe I've been taking the wrong classes. Maybe I've been really successful at hiding how much certain poses hurt. Maybe my ego is too uppity and says I can do the poses, regardless of how my body feels, because the other people in the class can.

Michele said today: "The goal of my class is that you feel better when you leave, than when you came in".

She is an amazing teacher....and for the first time, I felt like a teacher saw me. ME.
As I listed off all my ailments she said "Join the club!" with a cheerful smile.

I did feel better after the class. I felt more open, and a sense of self love. A couple of the students came and introduced themselves to me. I can sense the community they have in the class, it was also evident by the playful chiding of the students amongst each other.

Now, why is Bitsy taking an HIV Yoga class, some of you may be asking. Do I have HIV? The truth is, it's none of your business, but I'll tell you anyways. No. I don't have HIV. What I do have is physical exhibition of symptoms that are commonly exhibited by people who have HIV, along with other auto-immune disorders, and Diabetes as well. I am relatively healthy, but "regular" yoga classes were not addressing these symptoms that I display.

I am also currently developing a yoga program for senior citizens living with HIV, because althoug I am young, I can empathize. Michele's class brought amazing insight to me on how I want to be treated, looked at, and how much we all need to be SEEN.

I will continue to take her class, as I DO feel better now that I did before the class. That to me is a HUGE victory.

And, all the other students in the class, it was like we all saw each other. Knowing we have this common thread, the lack of separateness is so apparent when it comes to the great equalizer of poor health. I am made of the same stuff as them, as them I, and we are all made of the same stuff as the stars.