And the ER visit pays off

It's been a long arduous journey, the past few years. Most of the friends I have remember me as an active, outgoing, adventurous person. It was not unlike me to run 10 miles, hula hoop for two hours and then go out dancing, watching the sun come up over a sun kissed mountain top...or peeking up the desert horizon. I miss those days. I remember dancing as the sun came up at LIB 2009, "tearing the floor up" as someone near me put it.

A lot of you knew something wasn't quite right. Maybe I talked about it, maybe I didn't. Maybe you didn't notice the excruciating pain that sent me to hide in my tent at events. I tried to hide it, although sometimes I couldn't ignore it. There were times where I talked about nothing but this, and times I withdrew completely.

People asked me..."so, whatever happened to that pain issue?"

Maybe some of you have noticed that I haven't been present at parties or events. Maybe some of you came into the community after I started withdrawing. I don't know. I do know I feel very happy to have met all of you. Even the ones who are only Avatars on Facebook in my life.

Well, I can tell you everything that happened....but I won't. I will say that everything happens for a reason. My back is in this brace and I am in this level of pain, right at this moment and all the moments that have already passed, for a reason.

I am creating a life with a healthy back, one where I am again able to appreciate the body I have, rather than come to resent it. (Although that resentment has led to me learning to leave my body and it's senses behind in thought) I will feel well, and you will come to know me again. As I have transformed, I am not the same person some of you met a few years ago. I am not the same person I was three days ago, when I started Spinal Decompression Therapy and quit smoking. (The power of meditation is amazing, the smell of cigarettes nauseated me after a specific session)

Come talk to me, when I am out. Come see me in my home. If you want to get to know me, here I am. Not as the artistic model, not as the hooper booking gigs, not as the costume designer, not as who you thought I was for a second. Maybe I DO all those things well, but my way of being is quite amazing.